My books have helped thousands to step back, and away, from the damaging effects of a narcissistic person, whether it’s a present-day relationship or one that has haunted them from the past. Now, they may help you, too.
Maybe you love one. Or work for one. Maybe you’re related to one. Or were raised by one. Whatever the relationship, you’ve likely been hurt by the narcissist in your life.
Jonathan Lambert’s interview with author Fritz Breithaupt offers an interesting look at empathy. Breithaupt explains its darker side:
“Vampiristic empathy is a form of empathy where people want to manipulate the people they empathize with so that they can, through them, experience the world in such a way that they really enjoy it.”
Read “Does Empathy Have A Dark Side?” on NPR here
Part of what makes the n tick is bait—having it, flaunting it, using it. Bait is an outside manifestation of inside emptiness and loneliness. Don’t feel sorry—be aware. You contribute to bait and all its reverberations when you react to it.
In an article on Forbes.com, contributor Stephanie Sarkis explains how to properly identify and handle a gaslighting, narcissistic boss. Sarkis writes:
“A gaslighting/narcissist boss isn’t just ignorant—he lives for getting power and control over others. There is nothing better to a gaslighter/narcissist than to make you feel dependent on them for your job, while at the same time he sabotages and insults you. Gaslighters/narcissists can be covert or overt. Overt gaslighters/narcissists will embarrass you in front of others, treat you terribly in front of office guests, and brag about their accomplishments. Covert gaslighters/narcissists use sneakier methods to exert their power…”
Read the article here
You may have been conditioned to call yourself “emotional”. Your narcissistic parent may align with you, calling both of you “the sensitive/creative/smart/misunderstood/etc. ones.” Don’t get too attached to any of it. The important thing to keep in mind is that, for the narcissist, the words and labels are hollow and subject to change.
Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist
An interesting article featured on Thrive Global examines the similarities and differences between narcissism and egocentrism. Elisabetta Franzoso writes:
“As egocentrics, we are unable to see someone else’s point of view and in narcissism we may see it, but just not care…we can begin to see how the two character traits do not marry well and create a very dysfunctional personality.”
Read “Is Narcissism the Same as Egocentrism?” here
“For the narcissist, true union is much too frightening…joining represents loss of self. The narcissistic person, rather, will annihilate the other in order to “live.” Now add a child to the dynamic. We see the potential for the narcissistic person to grow increasingly jealous, envious, and enraged as their child threatens to transfer the affection and admiration they crave to others (a spouse, or a child, for example)….The parent may act out and find new ways to be noticed.”
Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist
In a post featured on Psychology Today, Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT writes about covert narcissism. Lancer explains:
“On the surface, they can be hard to identify. These narcissists may appear shy, humble, or anxious. Their gratification may be indirect through their emotional investment in someone they admire. They take things personally and feel distrustful, mistreated, unappreciated, and misunderstood. Although they devalue themselves, they dream of greatness and wonder why people don’t appreciate and understand them.”
Read “All You Should Know about a Covert Narcissist” here
“Today I understand that my feelings about the narcissist and about myself need not interfere with my recovery. I recognize that recovery is about slowly gaining perspective and insight about myself to better heal and grow…I understand that recovery is not a race to finish. Recovery is another name for healing, growing, changing, and, perhaps, rediscovering…me.”
Think of a motion picture projector, how it projects a picture out there, on the wall. For the narcissist, other people are the walls and they are the projector. Bad feelings are relegated to the other person (“Why are you always in a foul mood?” “Why do you always have to have your way?” “You are so sensitive but you never hear me.”)
Adapted from NARCISSISM: SURVIVING THE SELF-INVOLVED
In an article featured on Insider.com, Lindsay Dodgson explains the difference between healthy and toxic anger. The article quotes psychologist Perpetua Neo who says:
“When anger is a constant and disruptive part of your life, though, that’s when it’s not so useful. In relationships, it’s normal to argue. But if you’re consistently raging at each other over the smallest issues, it’s likely because something isn’t being addressed…”
Read the article here
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