This article offers an insightful look into closure and forgiveness. In particular, author Bobbi Dempsey writes about choosing not to reconcile with her abusive father at the time of his death:

“Being pressured or forced to reconcile with an abusive figure just because they are dying, or to attend the funeral of a person who inflicted abuse and trauma on them can often end up feeling like a cruel form of group-gaslighting…Doing so means essentially erasing the trauma, abuse, or mistreatment suffered at someone else’s hands. So, please, though you might mean well, don’t do that to anyone. It just adds more emotional pain and stress to what they’re already carrying.”

“From the narcissistic parent’s point of view, the child is a vehicle to temper their own intense fears.  The parent unconsciously turns to the child to fill the dark and cavernous hole inside. This dark hole, the bottomlessness of it, frightens the narcissist parent and eventually the child. Tethered to the dynamic, however, the child tends to the hole in a multitude of ways (none of which actually fill or mend or address the hole) where the parent left off.”

Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist

In a blog post on Psychology Today, Preston Ni M.S.B.A. describes the difference between pathological narcissism and narcissistic behaviors. Ni writes:

“What distinguishes certain narcissistic behavior from pathological narcissism are frequency, intensity, and duration. While some people may exhibit narcissistic traits occasionally and mildly, a pathological narcissist will routinely use destructive narcissistic tactics in order to gain false superiority and exploit relationships.”

Read “Narcissist vs. Narcissistic Behavior” here

One of the more challenging things to do is to cultivate compassion for the narcissist. Substituting the word acceptance for compassion can be of great help. Be willing to try this.

The beauty of compassion and acceptance is this: it neutralizes the attachment you feel to the n, to the pain and the hurt of the relationship.

Adapted from Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved

The longer I avoid a problem the bigger it becomes. What am I trying to avoid? By asking this question, I become open to discovering the real issue, which brings me closer to actually addressing it. I trust that addressing the real problem will help me heal.

Adapted from Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery

“When your parent is a narcissist, the echo that calls back from within is one of emptiness. Prolonged exposure to the narcissistic parent before verbal skills develop means synthesis of the destructive dynamic—without the ability, as a child, to reason one’s way out of it.”

Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist

“I need not go out of my way to do or find something that is good for me. Connecting to what’s inside me is always the perfect beginning, middle, and end. Self-care is simply another way to help me practice keeping the focus on myself and I am grateful for that.”

Adapted from Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery

“I’m always thinking about the narcissist. Deep inside, before the relationship started to decline, I knew things were already fracturing, decaying, dying. But I didn’t know what to do. Soon I will learn how to focus on myself. I trust that I will look back on these early days of awakening as a gift. Many people fear the intensity of such emotion and are seduced back into the narcissistic dynamic. Rarely does going back into the relationship—or the relationship dynamic—keep difficult emotions at bay. It typically intensifies because the focus—whether I realize it or not—is on the narcissist.”

Adapted from Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery

A blog post featured on Scientific American examines what being authentic actually means. Scott Barry Kaufman writes:

“Healthy authenticity is not about going around saying whatever is on your mind, or actualizing all of your potentialities, including your darkest impulses. Instead, healthy authenticity, of the sort that helps you become a whole person, involves accepting and taking responsibility for your whole self as a route to personal growth and meaningful relationships. Healthy authenticity is an ongoing process of discovery, involving self-awareness, self-honesty, integrity with your most consciously chosen values and highest goals, and a commitment to cultivating authentic relationships.”

Read the article here