See the n’s wrath for what it is: a desperate attempt to keep you engaged.
Some of us are scared to step away. We have seen the n retaliate; we have experienced his or her wrath. Understand how important it is to recognize that the wrath is simply another way the n tries to rope you back in. If an n really wants nothing to do with you, they will turn up the cold and frost you out. As you gain more strength in dealing with the n, it’s wise to be prepared for the wrath, the frost and where the n recognizes they can no longer push you around.
Adapted from Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved
In her article titled “How to Stop Thinking About Something That’s Bothering You” author Amy Morin explains how negative thinking impacts our mood. She writes:
“Feeling down or thinking about unpleasant things isn’t always bad. Sometimes, it’s part of the healing process…it’s important to differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving. If you’re dwelling on the problem, you’re ruminating. If you’re actively looking for solutions, you’re problem-solving…Problem-solving can help you move forward. But ruminating will hold you back. If you’re ruminating, you need to change the channel.”
Read the article featured on Inc. here
Deep down, I know that the narcissist is going to do the things narcissists do, and that those things eventually hurt me. Today, my goal is only to be neutral about my situation. When a feeling comes up, I notice it and feel it, then watch it subside. By noticing my feelings, I am less susceptible to slipping into denial.
I remember that narcissism is an illness that is too big for me to fix no matter how much I try, care, hurt, or love.
Adapted from Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery
In a piece featured on Harvard Business Review, Michael Gervais, PhD, details how we are often held back by the opinions of others. He explains:
“If you start paying less and less attention to what makes you you — your talents, beliefs, and values — and start conforming to what others may or may not think, you’ll harm your potential. You’ll start playing it safe because you’re afraid of what will happen on the other side of the critique. You’ll fear being ridiculed or rejected. When challenged, you’ll surrender your viewpoint. You won’t raise your hand when you can’t control the outcome. You won’t go for that promotion because you won’t think you’re qualified.”
Read the article here
“People can become “experts” in a topic such as narcissism, but still be in pain. Each and every day, there are new opportunities to take steps to grow and to learn and to discover freedom. This is only the beginning. The healing process need not take you out of day-to-day life.”
From When Your Parent Is a Narcissist
Jonathan Lambert’s interview with author Fritz Breithaupt offers an interesting look at empathy. Breithaupt explains its darker side:
“Vampiristic empathy is a form of empathy where people want to manipulate the people they empathize with so that they can, through them, experience the world in such a way that they really enjoy it.”
Read “Does Empathy Have A Dark Side?” on NPR here
Part of what makes the n tick is bait—having it, flaunting it, using it. Bait is an outside manifestation of inside emptiness and loneliness. Don’t feel sorry—be aware. You contribute to bait and all its reverberations when you react to it.
From Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved
In an article on Forbes.com, contributor Stephanie Sarkis explains how to properly identify and handle a gaslighting, narcissistic boss. Sarkis writes:
“A gaslighting/narcissist boss isn’t just ignorant—he lives for getting power and control over others. There is nothing better to a gaslighter/narcissist than to make you feel dependent on them for your job, while at the same time he sabotages and insults you. Gaslighters/narcissists can be covert or overt. Overt gaslighters/narcissists will embarrass you in front of others, treat you terribly in front of office guests, and brag about their accomplishments. Covert gaslighters/narcissists use sneakier methods to exert their power…”
Read the article here
You may have been conditioned to call yourself “emotional”. Your narcissistic parent may align with you, calling both of you “the sensitive/creative/smart/misunderstood/etc. ones.” Don’t get too attached to any of it. The important thing to keep in mind is that, for the narcissist, the words and labels are hollow and subject to change.
Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist
An interesting article featured on Thrive Global examines the similarities and differences between narcissism and egocentrism. Elisabetta Franzoso writes:
“As egocentrics, we are unable to see someone else’s point of view and in narcissism we may see it, but just not care…we can begin to see how the two character traits do not marry well and create a very dysfunctional personality.”
Read “Is Narcissism the Same as Egocentrism?” here