My books have helped thousands to step back, and away, from the damaging effects of a narcissistic person, whether it’s a present-day relationship or one that has haunted them from the past. Now, they may help you, too.

Narcissist ruining your life?

Maybe you love one. Or work for one. Maybe you’re related to one. Or were raised by one. Whatever the relationship, you’ve likely been hurt by the narcissist in your life.

“From the narcissistic parent’s point of view, the child is a vehicle to temper their own intense fears.  The parent unconsciously turns to the child to fill the dark and cavernous hole inside. This dark hole, the bottomlessness of it, frightens the narcissist parent and eventually the child. Tethered to the dynamic, however, the child tends to the hole in a multitude of ways (none of which actually fill or mend or address the hole) where the parent left off.”

Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist

In a blog post on Psychology Today, Preston Ni M.S.B.A. describes the difference between pathological narcissism and narcissistic behaviors. Ni writes:

“What distinguishes certain narcissistic behavior from pathological narcissism are frequencyintensity, and duration. While some people may exhibit narcissistic traits occasionally and mildly, a pathological narcissist will routinely use destructive narcissistic tactics in order to gain false superiority and exploit relationships.”

Read “Narcissist vs. Narcissistic Behavior” here

“When your parent is a narcissist, the echo that calls back from within is one of emptiness. Prolonged exposure to the narcissistic parent before verbal skills develop means synthesis of the destructive dynamic—without the ability, as a child, to reason one’s way out of it.”

Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist

“I’m always thinking about the narcissist. Deep inside, before the relationship started to decline, I knew things were already fracturing, decaying, dying. But I didn’t know what to do. Soon I will learn how to focus on myself. I trust that I will look back on these early days of awakening as a gift. Many people fear the intensity of such emotion and are seduced back into the narcissistic dynamic. Rarely does going back into the relationship—or the relationship dynamic—keep difficult emotions at bay. It typically intensifies because the focus—whether I realize it or not—is on the narcissist.”

Adapted from Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery

A blog post featured on Scientific American examines what being authentic actually means. Scott Barry Kaufman writes:

“Healthy authenticity is not about going around saying whatever is on your mind, or actualizing all of your potentialities, including your darkest impulses. Instead, healthy authenticity, of the sort that helps you become a whole person, involves accepting and taking responsibility for your whole self as a route to personal growth and meaningful relationships. Healthy authenticity is an ongoing process of discovery, involving self-awareness, self-honesty, integrity with your most consciously chosen values and highest goals, and a commitment to cultivating authentic relationships.”

Read the article here

“The narcissist manipulates, projects, attacks, and makes nice to their child—to keep the focus on the narcissist. This is what makes narcissists so dependent, no matter how bossy and independent they seem. It explains why their parenting style can fluctuate from extreme rigidity to utter laxness, from authoritarian to best friend. The narcissist parent is always seeking to meet their own needs. This does not reflect on or have anything to do with what the child needs.”

Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist

See the n’s wrath for what it is: a desperate attempt to keep you engaged.

Some of us are scared to step away. We have seen the n retaliate; we have experienced his or her wrath. Understand how important it is to recognize that the wrath is simply another way the n tries to rope you back in. If an n really wants nothing to do with you, they will turn up the cold and frost you out. As you gain more strength in dealing with the n, it’s wise to be prepared for the wrath, the frost and where the n recognizes they can no longer push you around.

Adapted from Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved

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