“Today I understand that my feelings about the narcissist and about myself need not interfere with my recovery. I recognize that recovery is about slowly gaining perspective and insight about myself to better heal and grow…I understand that recovery is not a race to finish. Recovery is another name for healing, growing, changing, and, perhaps, rediscovering…me.”
Think of a motion picture projector, how it projects a picture out there, on the wall. For the narcissist, other people are the walls and they are the projector. Bad feelings are relegated to the other person (“Why are you always in a foul mood?” “Why do you always have to have your way?” “You are so sensitive but you never hear me.”)
Adapted from NARCISSISM: SURVIVING THE SELF-INVOLVED
In an article featured on Insider.com, Lindsay Dodgson explains the difference between healthy and toxic anger. The article quotes psychologist Perpetua Neo who says:
“When anger is a constant and disruptive part of your life, though, that’s when it’s not so useful. In relationships, it’s normal to argue. But if you’re consistently raging at each other over the smallest issues, it’s likely because something isn’t being addressed…”
Read the article here
“Inferiority is an issue for an individual with narcissism. This often includes feeling inferior to one’s offspring. If a parent struggles with their own sense of worth, this can be passed on to their child. In other words, the child acts less than the parent so that the parent can be greater than the child.”
Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist
I receive many emails from readers of the Narcissism Series books. I love hearing your personal stories and feel good that you trust me to share them. I’m so glad my books have helped.
I try to respond to all notes personally. However, if you’ve written to me through the Contact Form on this website, sometimes the correct email doesn’t get entered. So, when I reply to your note, I get a bounce-back.
If you’ve written but not received a reply (and you happen to visit this site again), please resend your email address. (My note to you is ready to go.)
Thanks for visiting.
“Viewing narcissism as a disease rather than simply a list of annoying traits can help us remember this truth: someone is sick with a particular disease and that someone is not you.”
“Manipulation come in a variety of packages; we often know when we’re being played but might not pay attention to the voice within that is telling us to steer clear. The person, after all, seems so nice, and everyone talks so highly of them. While there are many authentically, genuinely nice, down-to-earth people, the narcissist is the one who seems too good to be true.”
Adapted From Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved
In an article on Vox.com, Brian Resnick explores the concept of Intellectual Humility, depicting why it’s so difficult but important to admit when we are wrong. After exploring various scientific studies, Resnick writes:
“To be intellectually humble doesn’t mean giving up on the ideas we love and believe in. It just means we need to be thoughtful in choosing our convictions, be open to adjusting them, seek out their flaws, and never stop being curious about why we believe what we believe. Again, that’s not easy.”
Read the article here
“Letting go can trigger feelings of loss and abandonment. Perhaps the fear of the abandonment is an echo of the abandonment you’ve felt most of your life. These thoughts are old wounds resurfacing in order to be examined, cleansed, and healed—by you. Only you can heal them now.” Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist
“As a friend, partner, acquaintance or coworker of someone who is narcissistic, we may see their cloak, or facade. Their disguise is an act and signifies a lack of authentic self. The pain of facing this lack is too much to bear for the narcissist—so they rail against it and attack anyone they perceive as having forced them to confront their own deficiencies. That is when we begin to see the manipulative side of the narcissistic person that causes us the most pain.” Adapted from NARCISSISM: SURVIVING THE SELF-INVOLVED