News & Reflections

“If you have a narcissistic parent, don’t blame yourself but do take responsibility for trying to negotiate with the “role” you’d actually like to vacate. There is no “negotiating.” Be cordial, but try to avoid making nice because it serves to strengthen the dysfunction. You’ll be putting energy back to the mess you are trying [...]

“As we pull away from the emotional effects of the narcissist, we may feel lonely and sad. The anxiety can feel as intense as when the narcissist was still in our life. But these feelings will ease as we heal and take care of ourselves.” Adapted from Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery In [...]

“When you are first coming out of denial, the anxiety spills over. Denial, to some extent, thwarts anxiety about the original issue of concern. But it also causes its own set of secondary anxiety due to all the issues that have remained unaddressed.” Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist  In a blog post featured [...]

In healthy development, the parent “exists” for the sake of the child. With the narcissistic parent, the child “exists” for the sake of the parent. You may be the child of a narcissist if you’ve been: blamed for causing their discomfort accused of doing what the narcissist is doing (and denying)—being cold, selfish, manipulative, and [...]

Fleetwood Mac’s 1975 song “Over My Head” depicts a tumultuous, yet alluring relationship. In the lyrics, Christine McVie echos how one might feel when they’re dealing with a narcissist. In particular, the metaphor of an ever-changing circus wheel certainly reflects the “hot and cold” and “off and on” aspect of a narcissist’s behavior. You can [...]

At any age, the parent-child relationship can be fraught with emotion. We all grow up, but when it comes to certain patterns with a parent, it can be hard to let go even when we say we want to—or need to. Whether you hate or love your parent, the fact is these original relationships are [...]

As the child of a narcissist, you may feel like you’ve spent a lifetime trying to understand how your parent feels. You may have learned to tilt your world to track them as though they are the satellite and you need their signal to survive. However, your “survival” depended upon their satisfaction with you. When [...]

To get attention, a narcissistic parent might say: ⎯ No one loves me. ⎯ I’ll always be alone. ⎯ You disappoint me. ⎯ I’m so alone. ⎯ No one appreciates me. ⎯ You don’t appreciate me. ⎯ You’re so greedy. You take everything for you. What about me? ⎯ This is not the life I [...]

In a project at Arizona State University, researchers analyzed data and conducted studies determining how parent-child and caregiver relationships and attachment styles impact a child’s self-regulation skills. Kimberlee D’Ardenne quotes Nancy Eisenberg, Regents’ Professor of psychology who says: “Although differences in children’s self-regulation are partially due to biological factors, including genetics, the environment also plays a big [...]

“If you are the child of a narcissist, you may have grown accustomed to a parasitic relationship. A toxic parent-child dynamic creates a blueprint from which you unconsciously build other relationships… Once you understand how you replay these patterns, you can begin to reexamine your self-view, and change it. This is a key to healing.” Adapted from When [...]

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