News & Reflections

When the dynamic is operative, both the narcissistic parent and their child believe it is they who are internally, irreparably flawed. But it is the child, having become the depository of the parent’s disowned traits, who may consciously ask, “What is wrong with me?”The parent may say, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but [...]

A very helpful article from the New York Times describes the differences between worry, stress, and anxiety and how to successfully handle them all. Emma Pattee explains: “Here’s the takeaway: Worry happens in your mind, stress happens in your body, and anxiety happens in your mind and your body. In small doses, worry, stress and anxiety can [...]

We are told a parent’s greatest gift is to instill in a child positive self-regard. One of the ways the parent helps the child along this path is by acting as a mirror. Developmentally, the infant self is referenced in conjunction with the parent. The parent is there to support the child’s self-discovery by being [...]

An article featured in The New York Times explains why talking about our feelings is extremely important. Eric Ravenscraft writes: “There are a lot of reasons talking about our problems can be difficult. Some people…are socialized to internalize feelings, rather than give voice to them. Sometimes the very emotions you’re dealing with — like guilt over [...]

An article on offers some helpful insights and ways to embrace solitude during the Covid-19 crisis. Sigal Samuel writes: Whether you’re self-isolating at home in an effort to flatten the curve, or quarantined in your room because you have Covid-19, you’ve probably felt at least a momentary surge of panic at the idea of [...]

Images take a lot of crafting and require a ton of upkeep. Since the narcissist’s image is external, it requires the “help” of others. Kids don’t typically understand this, particularly when it comes to their own parents. When people talk about narcissists feeding off of other people, this is the “help” we are talking about. [...]

In an article from The New York Times, Susan Shain offers science-backed ways to become more optimistic. Shain quotes author and psychologist Martin Seligman, explaining: “Another evidence-based approach to boost your optimism is to intentionally counteract your extremely negative predictions with extremely positive ones…Let’s say you have a doozy of a fight with your partner. [...]

“The issue of independence gains complexity with a narcissist parent because the personality matrix is built on a massive internal wound. Denial of this wound has further thwarted, contorted, and warped the narcissist’s growth. The goal is always the same: to not see or acknowledge its existence. Therefore a real attachment with the child remains [...]

The “smoke-and-mirrors” aspect of narcissism can make it tough to pin down. But once I begin to understand and see the nuances, I feel my own healing take hold. Healing is not always what I expect. Sometimes it feels revitalizing, other times it seems to bring more hurt. If I surrender to the process I [...]

Every desirable feeling one experiences with or because of the narcissist is invisibly bound to one far less desirable feeling—its polar opposite. Months spent feeling wanted and special will invariably deteriorate into feeling discarded, abandoned, ostracized — the polar opposite of the warm, fuzzy, too-good-to-be-true love you thought you had. Adapted from NARCISSISM: SURVIVING THE [...]

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