News & Reflections

A healthier, nontoxic way of being in a relationship with your n parent would be for you to figure out, based on internal cues, where you may or may not have misstepped. You may see that what you are feeling bad about having done or said is not actually something you did or say, but [...]

“As I change my outlook, the world around me will shift because I will have new clarity. Perhaps the other person—the narcissist—will change, perhaps not. I need not focus on that any longer. The fact that I have gotten a new perspective on an old problem is what brings me a sense of well-being, calmness, [...]

In an excellent piece from Noteworthy – The Journal Blog, “Healing From This” depicts her experience being married to a narcissist. She writes: If I loved something, he would hate it. If I hated something, he would love it. Everything I stood for — he stood for the opposite — and it got worse with [...]

An article featured in The New York Times explores the role of resilience after difficult experiences. Eilene Zimmerman writes: “… The most resilient among us are people who generally don’t dwell on the negative, who look for opportunities that might exist even in the darkest times. During a quarantine, for example, a resilient person might [...]

When I listen to my deeper self, it is often enough to satisfy my need to be “heard.” This might sound funny, but I understand the power that comes from listening and, by proxy, trusting my deeper self. That’s what I’ve been missing all along, anyway: a connection to me. From Surviving the Narcissist: 30 [...]

The child’s development and behavior become about the narcissist—because everything eventually becomes about the narcissist. The child, at the earliest stages, learns to acquiesce to keep their n parent from emotionally abandoning them. Nothing the child does can prevent the abandonment. Once you understand this, your own fear of abandonment may lessen, and you will [...]

An interesting idea featured on NPR ponders the concept of nostalgia, especially in these tumultuous times. Shankar Vedantam of Hidden Brain says: “One thing many of us have realized these past few months is how much we value the people in our lives. Maybe you’ve had a Zoom happy hour with friends you haven’t seen [...]

Letting go can trigger feelings of loss and abandonment…perhaps the fear of the abandonment you’ll feel, an echo of the abandonment you’ve already felt most of your life but suppressed. These are the thoughts of a child in an adult’s body, of old wounds that are resurfacing. They are resurfacing in order to be examined, [...]

I have an internal North Star and today I am learning how to look for and follow it. I trust that my North Star appears to me in myriad ways. It might be an emotion—a pristine calm or a flow of unexpected tears. As I continue to practice focusing on myself, I’ll connect more easily [...]

When the dynamic is operative, both the narcissistic parent and their child believe it is they who are internally, irreparably flawed. But it is the child, having become the depository of the parent’s disowned traits, who may consciously ask, “What is wrong with me?”The parent may say, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but [...]

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