News & Reflections

“From the narcissistic parent’s point of view, the child is a vehicle to temper their own intense fears.  The parent unconsciously turns to the child to fill the dark and cavernous hole inside. This dark hole, the bottomlessness of it, frightens the narcissist parent and eventually the child. Tethered to the dynamic, however, the child [...]

In a blog post on Psychology Today, Preston Ni M.S.B.A. describes the difference between pathological narcissism and narcissistic behaviors. Ni writes: “What distinguishes certain narcissistic behavior from pathological narcissism are frequency, intensity, and duration. While some people may exhibit narcissistic traits occasionally and mildly, a pathological narcissist will routinely use destructive narcissistic tactics in order to gain false [...]

One of the more challenging things to do is to cultivate compassion for the narcissist. Substituting the word acceptance for compassion can be of great help. Be willing to try this. The beauty of compassion and acceptance is this: it neutralizes the attachment you feel to the n, to the pain and the hurt of [...]

The longer I avoid a problem the bigger it becomes. What am I trying to avoid? By asking this question, I become open to discovering the real issue, which brings me closer to actually addressing it. I trust that addressing the real problem will help me heal. Adapted from Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of [...]

“When your parent is a narcissist, the echo that calls back from within is one of emptiness. Prolonged exposure to the narcissistic parent before verbal skills develop means synthesis of the destructive dynamic—without the ability, as a child, to reason one’s way out of it.” Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist

“I need not go out of my way to do or find something that is good for me. Connecting to what’s inside me is always the perfect beginning, middle, and end. Self-care is simply another way to help me practice keeping the focus on myself and I am grateful for that.” Adapted from Surviving the [...]

“I’m always thinking about the narcissist. Deep inside, before the relationship started to decline, I knew things were already fracturing, decaying, dying. But I didn’t know what to do. Soon I will learn how to focus on myself. I trust that I will look back on these early days of awakening as a gift. Many [...]

A blog post featured on Scientific American examines what being authentic actually means. Scott Barry Kaufman writes: “Healthy authenticity is not about going around saying whatever is on your mind, or actualizing all of your potentialities, including your darkest impulses. Instead, healthy authenticity, of the sort that helps you become a whole person, involves accepting [...]

“The narcissist manipulates, projects, attacks, and makes nice to their child—to keep the focus on the narcissist. This is what makes narcissists so dependent, no matter how bossy and independent they seem. It explains why their parenting style can fluctuate from extreme rigidity to utter laxness, from authoritarian to best friend. The narcissist parent is always [...]

See the n’s wrath for what it is: a desperate attempt to keep you engaged. Some of us are scared to step away. We have seen the n retaliate; we have experienced his or her wrath. Understand how important it is to recognize that the wrath is simply another way the n tries to rope [...]

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