Obsessing is what I do to unconsciously avoid addressing something. When I obsess about, for example, whether I’m good enough, I can take this as a sign that I’m avoiding looking at the real problem that may be, for instance, my fear of being abandoned.
Obsessions are distractions that keep me from feeling the sadness or hurt, the anger or rage that’s inside me. While some of these emotions are directly related to the relationship with the narcissist, they are also connected to buried feelings from the past that, once addressed, can be healed and let go.
The longer I avoid a problem the bigger it becomes in my mind. If I start obsessing I can ask: What am I trying to avoid? But by simply asking this question, I become open to discovering the real issue, which brings me closer to actually addressing it. I trust that addressing the real problem will help me heal.