Once you determine that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you might consider asking yourself the following questions.
- Can I accept the relationship for exactly what it is right now, without trying to change it, and am I willing to live this way?
- Can I accept the other individual for exactly what they are right now, without trying to change them, and am I willing to live this way?
- Do I expect the other individual to change, to want to change, to be on board to change?
- Do I expect the other individual to work with me to change our relationship?
- Do I expect the other individual to do it for me?
- Am I trying to change for the other person?
- Am I living in the past, daydreaming about how nice things were at the beginning?
- Do I measure the relationship in happiness/peacefulness or pain/anxiety?
- Do I use much of my own time trying to figure things out, trying to find easy ways to help the other individual change to make our relationship better?
- Is the other person engaging in other relationships that are undermining our relationship?
- Why does it seem that even if I am seeking to change or better the relationship, the n seems to be seeking to change or “better” (meaning criticize) me, anything to keep the focus or responsibility off of themselves?
- If I leave this person, do I worry I’ll end up with another n?
Think, meditate or write in response to these questions. See what your answers reveal.
Adapted from Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved