The child of a narcissist may have unwittingly absorbed their parent’s anger and internal rage. But because these things truly belong to the parent, the child cannot heal, fix, or change them. The only thing that can help undo the dynamic is when the child detaches from the narcissistic parent.
The adult child of a narcissist may feel that releasing the anger will:
—destroy and annihilate everything around them
—destroy the parent from whom they desperately want attention and love
—reveal the extent to which they are supposedly damaged and out of control
This occurs below the level of consciousness. These intense feelings seem to push from behind, like a masked robber holding a gun to your back. When this happens, try asking yourself:
- What part of this issue is really mine?
- How long have I been engaged in this issue—and why did I start?
- What do I expect to gain from this issue if I continue to carry it?
Adapted from When Your Parent Is a Narcissist