A meditation on recovery from difficult people as we approach the New Year

From Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery

Perhaps it is simply not healthy for me to see them.

It is a resolution I only tell myself.

It is not something I announce.

What good would it do?

I’m angry:

At the time I’ve lost

Because I’m not through it yet

Because I’ve lived like I don’t exist in order to make them happy

Because I’ve been used

Because I’ve participated

Because I’ve worked so hard not to see reality—but the reality I think they wanted me to see…that I was damaged (not them)

That they didn’t want me just for me

That they used me

And I looked up to them

They fed off of me and acted like I was using them

And I still looked up to them

Brainwashed

I’m sick and bored of putting so much effort into being fake

This is the part I can claim—my awareness—and put it to good use to help me recover, accept responsibility for my part, and begin to heal.

It doesn’t have to take forever, but it is a process. The moment I take the first step, change—a return to sanity—becomes reality.

I start.

—Meredith Resnick