Perhaps it is simply not healthy for me to see them.
It is a resolution I only tell myself.
It is not something I announce.
What good would it do?
At the time I’ve lost
Because I’m not through it yet
Because I’ve lived like I don’t exist in order to make them happy
Because I’ve been used
Because I’ve participated
Because I’ve worked so hard not to see reality—but the reality I think they wanted me to see…that I was damaged (not them)
That they didn’t want me just for me
That they used me
And I looked up to them
They fed off of me and acted like I was using them
And I still looked up to them
I’m sick and bored of putting so much effort into being fake
This is the part I can claim—my awareness—and put it to good use to help me recover, accept responsibility for my part, and begin to heal.
It doesn’t have to take forever, but it is a process. The moment I take the first step, change—a return to sanity—becomes reality.