How does narcissism look in a love relationship? What does it feel like? How do we know if what we are feeling are the effects of narcissism?

New York Times Best Selling author and creator of the award-winning marriage blog, Project: Happily Ever After (with a memoir of the same name) and I discuss the topic and Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved. We did this interview when my book first came out about two years ago. What fascinating is that the discussion on Alisa’s blog is still going strong, all these years later.

A few of her questions include:

Just about everyone thinks they know someone who is a narcissist. I’m guessing, however, some of the people that we think of as narcissists are just your common everyday jerks. How can you figure out if you’ve accidentally married a narcissist?
Why can people seem so great in the beginning, but soon everything falls apart?
I have a friend who is dating a narcissist. He’s really good at convincing her that she’s the problem. It takes an army of friends like me to prove to her that it’s the other way around. Do you have advice for people who are probably married to narcissists but who blame themselves for their failed marriage?
Click HERE to read the entire interview.

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In Surviving the Self-Involved, I write about cultivating (in ourselves) compassion for the narcissist. The person with narcissism is ill. And, if we are in relationship, we have been affected, and may be contributing to the uneasy patterns of behavior.

With all the pain they inflict on others, it can be easy to forget that they–the n–are, too, wounded. This knowledge, however, does not negate the pain they cause. We must remember this pain so as not to keep opening ourselves up to it. At the same time, we want to step away and let it go. This is compassion for the self.

The song Numb, by Linkin Park, I feel, touches on a certain compassion for the n, as the narrator is awakening to his own need for self-preservation. For example, these lyrics:

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

Linkin Park – Numb


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From APA: “A narcissistic society would be a deeply lonely place”

Those are the words of Christopher Barry, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Southern Mississippi in the article from Monitor on Psychology, on the American Psychological Association’s website. The cover story is written by Sadie F. Dingfelder, and titled “Reflecting on Narcissism.”

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Excellent interview by Patt Morrison of Dr. George Woods addressing what is and isn’t narcissism in context of the Isla Vista tragedy

Patt Morrison of the Los Angeles Times did a terrific interview titled: Dr. George Woods on what went wrong in Isla Vista, and what we can do to curb such shootings. He is a forensic and neuropsychiatrist who next year will become president of the International Academy of Law and Mental Health. An excerpt: Patt [...]

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Songs in the key of narcissism

Songs about falling in love have changed. Instead of focusing on the beauty of one’s face they focus on the size of one’s butt, booty, or, in other words: rear end. Whether the focus was on the face or the backside, I guess you could make the case that the owner of the face or [...]

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You’re on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, MySpace and more. Does that make you a narcissist?

Last year, The New York Times ran a series about social media and narcissism in its “Room for Debate” column. The question was centered around whether or not social media makes people narcissistic. The title: You Like Me! You Really Like Me! Is Facebook turning us into narcissists? I’ve been asked this exact question (and [...]

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When the parent of your child’s friend is a narcissist or just plain difficult

I have a parenting blog over at When Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved came out, I put together a post that addressed the issue of difficult parents. From the post titled: “Is the Carpool Swimming With Narcissists”: “I’ve overheard conversations and spoken with parents who indicate that dealing with the parents of their kids’ friends [...]

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When your aging parent is a narcissist

Narcissism is easy to misunderstand. Many people believe that the narcissist is deeply in love with himself or herself—the true self, that is. If the narcissist is in love with anything, it’s the image of himself. The narcissist is in love with the image of the self he or she has created. That image is [...]

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Suckered in by the narcissist

The many masks faces of narcissism. This is a really, really good post from Dr. Anita Kelly’s Psychology Today blog, Insight. It’s about narcissism and it’s titled, “Who Falls for Dishonest People? Not Who You’d Expect” An excerpt: “If you are an honest person with a narcissistic partner, I hope you can forgive yourself for [...]

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“Was I clever enough? Was I charming?” – John Updike

This book review in the New York Times about a a biography by Adam Begley about John Updike (an author whose work I happen to like so very much) made me think about desperation and narcissism. (Not the book review specifically, but about what it says about John Updike.) And it made me a little [...]

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